[opening theme song]
Would somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oooh yeah! ♪
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on! ♪
♪ They're stepping out crime ♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney ♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche He's the leader of the bunch ♪
♪ That's right! A heck of a fighter ♪
♪ Makes a heck of a lunch ♪
♪ And little Polly Esther ♪
♪ Who's never afraid ♪ That's me!
♪ Of going into battle when the bad guys invade ♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovy A wild romantic rover ♪
♪ This cat gets down With a love hangover ♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad ♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had ♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese? ♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt ♪
♪ Step on their tails Get off my tail ♪
♪ And you're gonna get hurt Don't hurt me! ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
♪ Three, two, one The Pizza Cats are on the run ♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low ♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo ♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crows ♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script ♪
♪ We might begin the show ♪
♪ Sit back and rest your feet And turn the sound up high ♪
♪ And if you want The full effect ♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[narrator] Our story begins at the Pizza Palace,
so famous, it's known around the block.
This soda is for you, Lucille, from yours truly...
Since you are so special,
I made you these special fries, my sweet.
Oh, thank you.
Lucille is here to see me, Speedy,
go chop some baloney or something, will you?
Hmm! That's your specialty. For example,
[mocking Guido] "Since you're so special,
I made you these special fries."
That's enough baloney, lasts us for a month.
I was speaking metaphorically, of course.
Females appreciate the semantics of romantic hyperbole,
no doubt about it.
Perboly or schmerboly, you are still full of baloney.
This baloney pizza is too,
and it's gotta be delivered right now, so get going!
How about a different approach?
"Please fellas, would you do me a favor and deliver this pizza?"
That would be a whole lot nicer.
Absolutely correct.
You'd never hear Lucille being rude like that.
[Speedy] On the other hand,
when it comes to fighting bad guys,
-Polly is pretty great. -Oh, thanks!
Yeah, Polly is a great fighter, but if she went to charm school,
I don't think she'd make it through first grade.
[screaming] But I got a master's degree of slicing sausage!
[both screaming]
Was it something I said?
[both giggling]
I love a good laugh! [laughs loudly]
Among other things.
Hey babe, real silk? Let's see!
Hey, are you nuts?
Nope, it's polyester.
And so are you! You get it?
[loud punch] [Polly] Got it!
Who are you and what do you want?
Who I am? Charlie Bird!
but I'm known as CB to my friends.
The Live House Club, Charles Bird,
-proprietor and star-maker. -Absolutely!
Luci-babe, I can make you into such a big star,
that you'll be more popular than sonny Bono!
Wow! A star...
Wouldn't it be great to be a star
and have all those fans adoring you?
Coolsville!
Standing on stage, with thousands of people
-screaming your name... -In the spotlight!
Writing off our clothes as tax deductions?
State and federal! Hm? Our clothes?
I was referring to Lucille over here.
Either I do it with Polly, or I don't do it at all.
-Well I-- -The first thing we'll need
-is a name! -I...
[Polly] I thought of a great one just the other day!
-Yeah but-- -[Lucille] Sure, I remember!
We'll be "The Pointless Sisters!"
What a name! It's cool, it's forward, it's really...
stupid.
[Speedy] A rock 'n' roll show?
What are you talking about, Francine?
Just who's supposed to sing at this night club?
[Polly giggling]
-Me! -[Francine] And Lucille is too.
Come on, you've gotta be kidding!
Maybe Lucille could do it,
but Polly's voice sounds
like kitty litter in a trash compactor,
or a huge parrot that's trapped inside a lawn mower.
[loud crash] [Speedy screams]
[Polly screaming] Parrot, huh?
You see? That's what I mean!
Yep. Polly the superstar. I'll tell you what, Polly,
if you've got what it takes to be a star,
not only will I admit I'm wrong,
I'll climb onto the railing of the town's highest bridge
and stand on my tail,
'till I've set a new tail-standing world record.
Gee, Speedy, wouldn't your tail get awfully sore?
Ha! Piece of cake!
[narrator] This tale has developed a new twist,
but even if Speedy is setting
the new world's record for the Feline Free Four Month
supportive bridge rail tail stand,
the Live House is rocking and rolling
with cheers and applause for Little Tokyo's newest stars,
The Pointless Sisters!
[crowd cheering] [upbeat music]
♪ Once, everyone thought That we were square ♪
♪ That we weren't Going anywhere ♪
♪ But now things have changed As you can see ♪
♪ I spent my dreams Just making meals ♪
♪ Fighting crime And spinning wheels ♪
♪ But now I sing My song for you ♪
♪ Oohh! We're The Pointless Sisters now ♪
♪ So relax! Don't have a cow ♪
♪ When we're through Just clap your hands ♪
♪ We'll take a bow! We're Pointless Now! ♪
[crowd cheering]
[Speedy] They called themselves "The Pointless Sisters?"
[Guido] You've got to admit it, it describes it perfectly.
[knocking]
-[Polly] Who is it? -It's' us!
How's your tail Speedy? Sore? I was great, wasn't I? admit it!
[Polly gasps]
Wow, you were totally tubular, super stellar
and you were also pretty good!
Oh my goodness, I don't know what to say.
Your beauty and your angelic singing
speak for you, my sweet one.
My only regret is that now you'll have so many admirers
you're bound to forget me.
Here's hoping.
[Lucille] Goodness me, you two are so sweet.
[shouting] That's it, curtain, end of the line,
-you two are out of here! -I was just about to tell you
-you were great tonight! -So, I was great!
What do you mean by that?
-Oh. -Yes, you're a star,
but the Polly I knew is gone forever.
[crying] My friend Polly has disappeared, thanks to you.
And we'll miss her because of our feelings for her,
feelings like this.
[both sneering and making funny noises]
[gasps]
[growling] Goodbye! Nice seeing you.
Come back and visit real soon!
Like maybe in a couple of hundred years, alright?
[door slams]
-So do you think Polly is upset? -No.
No, she's just a helpless slave to rock 'n' roll.
[trumpet playing in background]
-Huh? -What's that?
[crowd screaming]
It's weird.
They all want The Pointless Sisters' new record,
but how did they find out about it?
-They're all psychic? -I don't know, Speedy,
I just don't know.
Hmm.
[narrator] Meanwhile, Jerry Atric and the Big Cheese
are molding a mad medicine musical scheme.
What else is new?
Just as I thought.
The Pointless Sisters are becoming a huge hit,
-my plan is working perfectly! -Yeah, I gotta give you credit,
Jerry, these posters were the best idea you've ever had
real nice looking couple of babes, you know?
[Jerry] What is your point?
Point? The point is these babes here,
come on, which one do you like better?
[Jerry shouting] You fool! You idiot!
Take that back!
[Jerry] You're right, you're not an idiot,
you're a moronic imbecile.
[gulps]
[narrator] Meanwhile, the pusillanimous plot,
a pillage and plunder planned by the redolent rodent wreckers,
rushes onward,
the footsteps of hordes of zombie-like creatures
echo through the darkness.
And watching the grim procession is the avian entrepreneur,
some call Charlie Bird, but who is in actuality
the infamous Bad Bird.
[laughing evilly]
You narrators think you know it all.
[Bad Bird] Well, listen up, Mister Smarty-pants,
while those girls were singing,
they were sending out energy waves
that will make those people do whatever I want,
and they don't even know they're doing it!
[sneers evilly]
[narrator] Smarty-pants? Know it all?
Well, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
for the next few minutes I will be in my trailer,
phoning my agent. My contract does not include
being insulted by animated animals.
For once, Big Cheese and Jerry Atric were right,
this plan is perfect.
Our giant robots are unstoppable! [sneers]
[narrator] My agent isn't returning calls.
I'll act professional and continue.
Now, back to our story...
I can hardly believe it. Wow, what a deal!
I ordered this telescope from a discount catalogue
and got it for 50 percent off.
You're almost as cheap as the guys who produce the show.
Speaking of cheap, Jerry,
I've been wanting to ask you something.
Huh? What do you mean, Cheese?
It's about these robots.
You see, this part here is completely empty,
can you explain that?
[gulps] I...
Got you! You've always said that you're never wrong. Ha!
Can't say that now, can you?
[embarrassed] I admit it, it's not perfect, so sue me!
What do you expect
from a low-budget cartoon like this?
[narrator] Perfect or not, the gang's evil plan
is scheduled to begin at the crack of dawn!
[menacing music]
[narrator] Good morning!
[together] Anyone for a little destruction?
[menacing music] [crowd screaming]
[robot] Yeah!
[crowd screaming]
[robots] Ooh.
[threatening music]
[screams]
You're going to love this, folks.
Yeah!
[energetic menacing music]
I spent a week building that set for the next episode,
I don't get overtime!
Well, that's showbiz.
Hey, I didn't want this gig,
I'm only doing it 'till my screenplay gets sold.
"I've got a screenplay," that's all you giant robots say.
Is there a part for me?
[robot] Yeah!
[narrator] The giant robots move forward,
powered by the feet of our poor unfortunates
under the hypnotic control of the Big Cheese and his gang.
But where are they going? And why?
[Big Cheese laughing]
Go on, hurry up!
Soon the weapons of the shoguns will be all mine!
[narrator] Well, that answers that question.
Meanwhile, the Samurai Pizza Cats
are jumping into their ovens!
Are things really that bad? Only for the bad guys!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need them just call ♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say ♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time Stay out of their way ♪
♪ Oh I love those cats Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ The heroes Who always wear fur ♪
[Pizza Cats theme continues]
[Francine on speaker] Attention, please.
Hold on to your hats,
'cause it's blast off time for the Pizza Cats!
The countdown is just about to begin,
so grab your earplugs and put them in.
Hope you'll enjoy the fun, four, three, two, one...
Showtime!
[soft explosions]
Mom, why are those three cats up there in the sky?
Superheroes are basically insecure
-and desperate for attention. -Huh?
[Guido] Hear what she called us, though? Superheroes!
Within a short time,
the ancient weapons of the shoguns
will belong to us.
[narrator] That's what he thinks!
[Speedy] Yeah, that's what you think.
-[Speedy] Guess who? -[Bad Bird] Samurai Pizza Cats!
[Speedy] Lucky guess!
[narrator] A-ha! Guido is carrying his favorite weapon,
the Samurai Sunspot Umbrella.
Also called "The Parasol of Doom!"
[narrator] Polly prefers the passion power fire-pod.
Because the power of love will win every time, you bet!
[narrator] Speedy Cerviche, Ginzu sword master!
It slices and dices and cuts them up!
Right for chopped liver!
[narrator] It's the Samurai... [all cats] Pizza Cats!
Three ludicrous cutie cats in armored leisure suites
aren't going to stop me! Destroy them!
[animated music]
[crows screaming]
[crows] Sorry boss! [Bad Bird growling]
[meows in pain]
You don't have a brain up there, no,
it's either oatmeal or sawdust, Speedy.
Perhaps we can decide which is the correct choice
in a more opportune moment?
Attack! Use the spinning cat removal system!
[robots] Yeah!
[narrator] Gee, I hope this works!
The stunts that were used in rehearsal
are still in surgery.
[gulping and screaming]
[Pizza Cats screaming]
[animated music]
Would you like going up for a spin? [laughs]
Yeah! [laughing]
[all screaming]
A-ha!
[heavy thud] [all screaming]
[both] Airsick bags, anyone?
[moaning]
We need some reinforcement, right about now.
[narrator] By means of a vibrational transmitter
in Speedy's bell, Francine is alerted to the emergency.
[bell jingling] Sounds like there's trouble.
We need the General on the double.
[Francine] General Catton, priority one!
Who are they fighting this time?
Giant robots, and not doing too well,
I know they're in trouble,
-they rang the bell! -Gotcha! I'm on here, Fran!
[screaming] Purronimo!
[loud blast-off]
Now I'll have my giant robots get rid of you once and for all!
Attack!
[General Catton shouting] Purronimo!
[Bad Bird] Well, well, look who's here!
Greetings, General.
Take your robots and scram, or I'll turn them into scrap.
[General] Go on, move it.
[laughing loudly]
Do you mind telling us what's so funny, Bad Bird?
Attack my robots, go right ahead,
but first there's something I want to show you!
[screaming] What?
[Polly] No!
-[Guido] Bad news. -[Speedy] You said it.
What? No attack? What's wrong?
[Bad Bird sneering and laughing loudly]
[Jerry] Yes of course, I forgot about that.
Second door on the right, and lift the seat.
I was talking about the robots, Seymour.
That empty space was part of my plan all along.
I knew if we filled it up with people,
those cats wouldn't attack them.
Brilliant planning. [laughing]
[sighs softly]
[Bad Bird] Once we have the magical weapons
of the shoguns, no one will be able to stop us!
And those weapons are right behind that wall!
Our robots wouldn't move
without those folks on the treadmill,
I suppose you'd like to know how we got them to work for us.
Just let them go, you vicious avian villain!
You vulgar venomous vulture, [indistinct] glorious vandal--
What?
[Polly roaring] You heard me.
It so happens that those people are there
because of Polly and Lucille.
Ah, baloney!
[Bad Bird] Shellfish have nothing to do
with the new musclebound shrimp, so clam up!
Those people in there are all fans
of Little Tokyo's newest pop-stars,
-The Pointless Sisters! -[gasps]
[Bad Bird] When they gave that concert,
they were transmitting hypnotic energy waves,
mixed with subliminal messages.
Those suckers in the audience never knew what hit them.
But the really stupid ones
were The Pointless Sisters themselves!
They fell for my Charlie Bird routine, hook, line and sinker.
[growling] How dare you call us stupid,
you slime-loving, scum-sucking, slug-swallowing garbage mouth,
piece of criminal worm-whites, he can't get away with that!
What do you think, Speedy,
considering the fact that he's right?
Score one for the bad guys!
-Well, I'm right aren't I? -[both] Yeah, of course you are!
[growling] You asked for it!
So now you're going to get what you asked for!
[animated music]
[grunting and screaming]
[loud crash]
[Polly shouting]
[all gulp]
Alright General Catton, fire!
[growls] Alright Polly!
[soft explosions]
[Polly] Run, everyone!
Those robots will go off any seconds! Run for your life!
[all screaming]
[animated music]
Use the spinning cat-removal system
to put them out of action.
[both] Yeah!
No way I'm going to fall for that trick again!
[animated music]
[loud thud]
[Speedy] Nice try, guys.
Now you'll learn what this sword of mine can really do,
Can't say it was nice knowing you, bye now!
[animated music]
[narrator] The magical Ginzu sword
will cut through anything, the toughest steel,
the hardest cement, the frozen fruit cake
from last year's Christmas party!
The steel of the Ginzu sword is forged from a formula
known only to the smith masters of the ancient shoguns.
[animated music continues]
[screaming] Samurai Pizza Cats!
[explosions]
Drat! Fooled again!
You know, I just love it when he says that!
[narrator] As usual, the Big Cheese is a lousy loser.
[Big Cheese] This is your doing, you idiots!
[Jerry] Let go, you raunchy red-tail rodent!
[explosion]
[narrator] Everything is back to normal in Little Tokyo,
no one has any memory of The Pointless Sisters.
[Speedy] What matters is friendship, not fame.
[Polly] You're right, Speedy.
Having fans doesn't mean anything,
what's important is loving yourself.
That was nice. [sniffs]
-[Polly] Thanks. -Aww.
[Lucille crying] You're such wonderful friends,
I love all of you so very much!
[all screaming] [explosions]
[cheerful music]
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
[moans softly]
On the next...
Pizza Cats!
[narrator] Our adventure begins with the Pizza Cats
winning another battle for peace, justice,
and the right to wear flea collars in public.
But things don't stay peaceful for long, for in an effort
to build a more powerful weapon against the Pizza Cats,
Big Cheese arranges to import some brand new technology
from a far off land.
How about electric toenail clippers?
[narrator] But Speedy gets wind of this
and calls the Pizza Cats into action!
[animated music]
[narrator] Of course, the Big Cheese
has a few tricks up his sleeve.
Pizza Cats Robots!
[Pizza Cats screaming]
[foreboding music]
[narrator] Will this be the end of our feline friends?
Will Big Cheese get his new technology?
Will Emperor Fred discover what vanities are?
Find out next time, as we take a toxic taste
of the super spud called The Nuclear Potato.
On the next Samurai Pizza Cats.
[narrator] Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath.
"The Pizza Cats are samurai, and I'd like to note
their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed, we never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So hail to thee, oh Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink, we know you'll fight like...
Pizza Cats!"
[closing theme song]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ We hope you liked the show It's the best that we could do ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you ♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know ♪
♪ The cats will be back for another big show ♪
♪ Ha ha ha, oh gosh ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh yes, all over town ♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight Why do we expectorate? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ Read all the credits so you'll know who did the work ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪